Why do I say “I’m fine” when I’m not?
Saying more can feel risky: you might be too much, or not really be heard. So keeping it in turns into a habit. It’s more likely if letting people get close makes you uneasy.
What it can look like
Someone asks how you are, and “fine” is out before you’ve thought.
It’s quick and safe, and it ends the question, so it comes out on autopilot.
What research found
Among 278 new college students, those who hid their feelings more felt less close to others.
Srivastava et al. (2009), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
People who often hide their feelings tend to report less support, and their friends see them as less close.
Gross & John (2003), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
What it’s linked to
The quiz measures these. A higher score on them can make this moment louder.
- Unease with closeness
How uneasy it feels to lean on people or let them in.
Try this
Give one person you trust one extra sentence.
Where do you sit?
Your free reading shows where you sit on Unease with closeness, the things linked to this. It all comes from your own answers.
Free · 29 questions · no sign-up
Types it often shows up in
It happens to almost everyone. In these types’ pages, it comes up as part of how they work.
This page is for noticing, not a diagnosis. If it feels like too much right now, here are people you can talk to.