Things people go through
Common things people go through, and what they can say about you. The quiz asks which ones you’ve felt lately.
Worrying what people really think of you
Sure it came out wrong. A short reply feels like a verdict.
Rereading a message before you send it, then checking for a reply. If that’s you, lots of people do it too.
Why it happens
You live every second of your own moment, so it feels like everyone saw it. Most people are busy with theirs. The worry gets louder if you often wonder where you stand with people, or feel things strongly.
Linked toWorry about closenessSensitivity
People in an embarrassing T-shirt guessed 46% of the room could name who was on it. Only 23% could.
Gilovich, Medvec & Savitsky (2000), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
More research
After talking with someone new, people tend to underestimate how much the other person liked them.
Boothby, Cooney, Sandstrom & Clark (2018), Psychological Science
Try this
When a reply feels cold, list two other reasons it could be short.
Where do you sit?
Your free reading shows where you sit on Worry about closeness and Sensitivity, the things linked to this. It all comes from your own answers.
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Saying “I’m fine” when you’re not
Someone asks how you are, and “fine” is out before you’ve thought.
It’s quick and safe, and it ends the question, so it comes out on autopilot.
Why it happens
Saying more can feel risky: you might be too much, or not really be heard. So keeping it in turns into a habit. It’s more likely if letting people get close makes you uneasy.
Linked toUnease with closeness
Among 278 new college students, those who hid their feelings more felt less close to others.
Srivastava et al. (2009), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
More research
People who often hide their feelings tend to report less support, and their friends see them as less close.
Gross & John (2003), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
Try this
Give one person you trust one extra sentence.
Where do you sit?
Your free reading shows where you sit on Unease with closeness, the things linked to this. It all comes from your own answers.
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Replaying a conversation long after it ended
In bed, rewriting one thing you said.
Hours later, the conversation is over for everyone but you.
Why it happens
Your mind goes back to check what went wrong, as if it could still fix it. It rarely finds an answer, and going over it can keep the feeling alive. It tends to be stronger if you feel things deeply and spend a lot of time in your head.
Linked toSensitivityImagination
Going back over an awkward moment is common. It was stronger in people with more social anxiety, and went with avoiding similar situations later.
Rachman, Grüter-Andrew & Shafran (2000), Behaviour Research and Therapy
Try this
When a replay starts, name the feeling under it in a word or two.
Where do you sit?
Your free reading shows where you sit on Sensitivity and Imagination, the things linked to this. It all comes from your own answers.
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Feeling lonely, even with people around
A room full of people you know, and you’re still on the outside.
At the party or in the group chat, you can still feel left out. You’re not imagining it.
Why it happens
Loneliness is the gap between the connection you want and the connection you have. It’s about how close you feel, not how many people are around. It can be stronger if you worry where you stand, or keep people at arm’s length.
Worldwide, 20.9% of 13–17-year-olds and 17.4% of 18–29-year-olds say they feel lonely.
More research
Loneliness is the gap between the connection you want and the connection you have. Quality matters, not just how many people are around.
Try this
Notice who you feel least alone with, and send them one message.
Where do you sit?
Your free reading shows where you sit on Worry about closeness and Unease with closeness, the things linked to this. It all comes from your own answers.
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Feeling like you have to keep everyone else okay
Fixing the mood, checking on everyone, and no one checking back.
Being the one everyone leans on can feel good and lonely at the same time.
Why it happens
Picking up on how people feel and caring a lot about keeping the peace can add up. Someone else’s bad mood starts to feel like your job to fix. Keeping everyone okay can become the way you feel okay yourself.
Linked toCare for othersSensitivity
Try this
Notice one thing you did today only so someone else wouldn’t be upset.
Where do you sit?
Your free reading shows where you sit on Care for others and Sensitivity, the things linked to this. It all comes from your own answers.
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Not asking for what you need, so you won’t be a burden
You need a hand, and you sort it out alone instead.
You’d rather struggle quietly than be any trouble. Asking can feel harder than the thing itself.
Why it happens
When you need help, you tend to picture the other person’s sigh before their yes. People who care a lot about others, or feel uneasy leaning on them, often go without rather than ask.
Linked toUnease with closenessCare for others
People who need help underestimate how willing others are to give it, and how good helping feels.
More research
In experiments, people underestimated by as much as 50% how likely others were to say yes when asked for a small favour.
Flynn & Lake (2008), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
Try this
Ask one person for one small thing this week, and notice how they react.
Where do you sit?
Your free reading shows where you sit on Unease with closeness and Care for others, the things linked to this. It all comes from your own answers.
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Days that feel like too much
Some days, getting up and getting through feels like more than you have. You’re not the only one who has days like this, and you don’t have to carry them alone.
If getting through the day feels like too much right now, please talk to someone today. These lines are free and private.
In danger right now? Call your local emergency number.
Why it happens
When a lot piles up, or goes on for a long time, even small things can feel like too much. It isn’t weakness, and feelings like this can change, especially with support.
Try this
Tell one person today, even in one line: “I’m having a hard time.”
If things feel like too much right now, here are people you can talk to.
See what’s behind yours.
Tap any that fit when you get to them. What you tap stays private.
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